Newly Weds and Annoying Brats
by Tasty Crack
Summary: A collab. project with Cappy-Chan and Rengyou. A SUPER crack fiction that takes about a decade after Naruto with their loved ones and kids. Originally a game we used to play, is now our story. Humor, family, and crack included! Read? c:
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

Author's Words and Warnings: Hello Readers on fanfiction! This is Rengyou right now and I'm here to say be prepare for A LOT of crack in this Naruto fanfic. Our fanfic was based on when CAPPY and I would play Naruto when we were younger. And this is all before we even knew some of the characters featured in this story died, but we're including them because we love them. We're kind of Sakura, Sasuke, and Ino haters, they're included in this story, but there's a lot of hate, so we warn you… This is all for PURE HUMOR (Crack.) So just keep that in mind. Anyways this is all when our favorite couples and couples get married and have kids of their own. On our profile, we have pictures of them if you want to check it out. All of the drawings are by me, please DO NOT steal them. Thank you and we hope you enjoy our crack fanfiction.

Genre: Family, Humor, PURE CRACK!

DISCLAIMER: We don't own any of the Original Naruto characters. However, we do own the OCs (The kids).

In a beautiful village called Konoha, lived five particular families. The Uzumaki family. The Nara family. The Hyuuga family. The Uchiha family. And the Akatsuki residents.

Over the years, Naruto became the seventh Hokage of Konoha and begged Hinata's father in her hand of marriage…

"Please Headmaster Sir Doctor Mister Swami Principal Father Dad Hyuuga! I truly want to marry your beautiful daughter, Hinata!" Naruto begged as he glued his head down the floor. Hinata couldn't resist, but to let out a slight giggle. Hyuuga-san looked at him with a frown and wrinkled his forehead.

"You forgot to include professor!" Hyuuga-san mentioned with a stern smile. Naruto quickly looked up at the aged man with liquid blue eyes.

"Please Headmaster Sir Doctor Mister Swami Principal Father Dad Professor Hyuuga! I truly want to marry your beautiful daughter, Hinata!" Naruto repeated, "I love her with all of my heart!" Hyuuga-san smiled and looked at Naruto.

"Very well then, you may marry Hinata," He said presenting his lovely daughter was standing behind him.

"Thank you, daddy!" The sheepish girl said and hugged her father and placed a gingerly kiss on Naruto's forehead.

Half a year later, the couple celebrated their elaborate wedding with all of their friends, families, and enemies. A fine wedding it was… Hinata is finally with the person of whom she has loved the most. Today, the two live together with their two children. Uzumaki Shinsuke is the son and looks a lot like his mother, except he does not obtain the byakugan. He's a lot like his father when he was younger, wild, rebellious, and really doesn't give a damn about anything. And Uzumaki Hana is the daughter of the family. With short blonde hair and sky blue eyes, Hana looks a lot like her father, yet has the brains like her mother's. (Not as dumb as Shinsuke).

One day out in a mission, Ten-Ten, Neji and his beard were just sitting together under the moon watching the fire burn wood. It was just a warm moment. At the edge of Ten-Ten's eyes, she saw Neji forming a smile on his face. He held her hand and looked at her while she was turning her head around.

"Hey, Ten-Ten," He started, "I have a question."

"Yes, Neji?" The young man reached into his backpack. Trying to look for a certain something, Ten-Ten heard the rustles against the bushes and out comes a pack of other shinobis!

"Look out!" She said tackling Neji to the ground and quickly threw a few kunais at the ambushers, which slowed them down.

Ten-Ten and Neji both attacked them and what not, later on the two burned the bodies of the ambusher. After the attack, Neji finally found the certain something.

He looked at her in the eyes and embraced her, "Thank you!" He yelled out and settled his head on Ten-Ten's shoulder.

"So what were you gonna ask me?" The young woman said sliding her slender fingers through Neji's silky hair.

"I love you… Will you marry me?" He asked presenting three shiny rings.

"Why are there three?"

"This small one is for my beard," He answered.

"Very well then, I love you," She said and let out a few tears. Happy to find out that Neji truly does love her.

One year later, Neji and Ten-Ten finally got married and live together in Konoha with their lovely twins. Tay-Tay taking extreme resemblance to her mother and Silky who looked a lot like his father. The twins have byakugan and of course Silky being the son, he uses it to his advantage if you get what I'm saying… Tay-Tay is kind of the more… Emo than her brother. Silky is just a poser, enough said.

Now on to Shikamaru and Temari…

The two have been going out for a while and they're finally married, but how were they able to marry each other when the two are from different villages?

Well, it took about a month and three fourths to convince Gaara, but about ten minutes to negotiate with Naruto.

"Why can't you let us get married? We're in love dammit!" Temari roared as she try to struggle out the arms of her lover, Shikamaru and her younger brother, Kankurou.

"Hey, onii-chan, you gotta calm down," Kankurou said in an exhausted tone, "Seriously, I just came back from my manicure appointment and now my nails aren't shiny anymore," He whined.

"What a drag…" Shikamaru groaned.

"If you guys want to get married, you must convince me," Gaara said in a dry tone.

"It's been over a month! Where the Hell have you been?!" Temari screamed in her baby brother's ears.

"How do we convince you? I'll do anything to marry Temari," Shikamaru said and smiled at Temari. His future wife couldn't help, but to smile back and let out a few tears.

"Damn you…" Temari mouthed at Shikamaru.

"So what do I have to do to convince you?" Shikamaru asked. A malicious smile formed on Gaara's face as he looked at the smart young man.

"You must make cookies for me," Gaara answered. Shikamaru, Temari, Kankurou, and Reiko gave him both a baffled and furious expression.

"ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?! WE JUST HAVE TO MAKE SOME DAMN COOKIES FOR YOU?!" Temari screamed once again. Gaara shook his head and shot his pointer finger at Shikamaru.

"He's making the cookies."

"Oh God…" Temari said under her breath.

"I'm dead…" Shikamaru frowned and then looked at Temari, whose eyes were as surprised as his.

"You can't even make a sandwich," Temari said in a worried tone. Shikamaru held Temari's hands and held it tight.

"Don't worry, it won't be as bad when I made breakfast-in-bed for you a while ago," He said in a cheerful voice and walked off into the kitchen while Temari stayed still.

"Oh no… He's going to blow up the whole sand village… Oh crap…" Temari thought to herself.

Shikamaru strapped the pink apron Gaara made him wear. The apron was pink, frilly, and just plain out tacky. But if it's worth a marriage with the one you truly love, then it's worth it. Shikamaru dug around the kitchen, leaving cabinets, the refrigerator and whatnot opened.

After nineteen attempts, the kitchen was a complete disaster, poor Reiko who had to clean it up. Bombs of eggs, splattered all over the floor. Clouds of flour spread across the whole kitchen. But this time, Shikamaru believed, this is the right batch. He pulled out the hot tray from the melting oven with oven mitts that matched the tacky apron Gaara forced him to wear. He placed the hot tray on top of the oven so it can cool down. In the mean while, Gaara, Temari, Kankurou, and Reiko were all still waiting for the unskilled baker. Kankurou looked at his older sister as she flinched in fear.

After five minutes, Shikamaru walked out with the cookies in a fancy tray with five glasses of milk, "Dessert served," He said in a sluggish tone. Gaara watched him as he walked by, still wearing the silly pink apron he handed to him. Gaara saw that Shikamaru was nervous and tense. He can also feel that Shikamaru has the urge to crap in his pants, like that one time when Gaara chugged down spoiled milk… Same goes for Naruto as well.

Slowly, Gaara grabbed a fresh baked cookie and released some gas as well.

"Dude, 'the Hell?" Temari snapped.

"Silence!" Gaara demanded and stuffed the hot cookie in his mouth, slowly chewing it and added some milk into his mouth, "Hmmmm… Mmmmm…. Hmmmm…. Ummmm…. Hmmmm…. Mmmm…"

"Well, what do you think, Kazekage-sama?" Shikamaru asked nervously.

"Don't you mean 'brother- in- law?'?" Gaara said with a mouthful of cookie mush.

"O-M-G!" Kankurou squealed, "O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-G! O-M-"

"Shut up!" Temari yelled and slapped Kankurou across the face and then looked at Gaara, then Shikamaru, "Thank you so very much!"

"Thank you, Kazekage-sama," Shikamaru said smiling.

"So… When's the wedding?" Kankurou asked with a curious smirk on his face.

"Fine… You'll be a bride's maid," Temari sighed.

"Wee!" Kankurou squealed, "Can the dresses be purple? Or maybe lavender? Oooh! How about champagne purple?! Or violet!?"

After four months, the engaged were finally married in both the Suna village and Konoha. In Konoha, Temari's maid of honor was Ten-Ten. Shikamaru's best man was his best friend, Akimichi Chouji. In the Suna, Gaara was Shikamaru's best man and Temari's bride of honor was Reiko. Of course that was purposely set up. And of course, Kankurou was proud to be one of Temari's bride's maids. They saved a lot of money too by hiring him; he was good with cosmetics and hair.

Immediately, the two already expected their first child, Kumo, the first son and probably the one that takes after his father the most. Kumo is currently 15. After Kumo was Hokaze, who wasn't really the brightest crayon in the box. And last but not least, Natsukage who is the smartest of the Nara children. Natsukage currently live with her family in Konoha, she preferred to live in the Suna with her uncle Gaara. But Natsukage still visits her parents every once and a while.

Sasori and Deidara, probably one of the most interesting and least likely couples, but they were able to manage through after giving up on the Akatsuki. The two were both men and fell in love together during their time in the Akatsuki.

Irritated by Pain's plans, the two left the Akatsuki and robbed a bank so Deidara was able to get a sex change. And that was successful. Deidara still has the same name since it sounded 'feminine' to Sasori, but Deidara preferred to be called 'Dei-Dei' or 'Dara' by her gal pals. The two had a beautiful wedding with the Akatsuki and enemies. Of course it was a costly wedding, so they robbed another bank.

Surprisingly, the two were able to have beautiful twins, Tsuki being the oldest, and Hoshi being the youngest. The two are pretty popular amongst their school. Tsuki being the nice pretty boy who every girl wants to go out with. And Hoshi, the shy girl who every guy would give chocolates and buy gifts for. But Hoshi is a kind, gentle girl.

What about Sasuke, Ino, and Sakura you ask?

Well Sasuke was able to escape the emo farm and married Sakura who became a hooker along with Ino who was practically a skeleton. Ino was too skinny to carry the UGLY child so Sakura bears the UGLY one. Ugly… She is extremely ugly, like her name. Ugly is the most hated and feared girl at her school, but too dumb to realize that.

Today, all of these youngsters and chip off the old blocks go to a universal school together.

Author's Words: Hey, I hoped you liked that so far! Well, Cappy-Chan is going to start off chapter one! Enjoy the crack! Reviews please!!!


	2. School

GoogA/N: Hey! It's me Cappy. So I'm gonna write the first chapter (As you can tell) and beware: they will be through (sometimes) other peoples' Well anyways, I hope you LOVED the Prologue Ren-Chan wrote. I seriously pissed my pants when I read it 'cause it was that funny. I hope this will be just as funny. Enjoy!

**Chapter One: **_School_

The sleepy village(or town as we call it now) was wearily sleeping in their beds, except for one particular household. The Hyuuga household to be exact. Hyuuga Neji and now Hyuuga Ten-Ten were dealing with their teenagers, who were going through'normal teenage problems'. Tay-Tay was having problems in school and was cutting herself with a piece of glass she found inside the girls bathroom, _under _a toilet seat(ew). She had been more emo since her last birthday, which concerned her mother, not really her father.

Silky, have had been going through some problems himself. He was the poser. He didn't really wanted to be the poser, but he had no choice. It was that Kumo that always had to get in the way of everything! That little head-in-the-clouds-no-it-all-jackass-stupid face-who got all the girls attention. Silky hadn't had been very successful with girls non the less guys as well.

Speaking of Silky, here he came down the stairs right now! Well not came but stumbling then falling then in attempt of getting but just being used as a walkway. Silky grumbled curses to himself, which he receiving him a face from his sister.

"'The hell's your problem?" Tay-Tay asked wrinkling her nose in disgust. Silky grumbled trying to get up, when he realized his mother and his father along with his sister were standing on him.

"What the hell are you guys doing?! Get off of me!" Silky squeaked girlishly squirming under his family's disgusting feet.

"But we're giving you a back massage!" Neji squealed, earning him a glare from his son.

"Ugh, my god. Dad we have to get to school." Tay-Tay said in a pompously enraged voice, crossing her arms against her chest. She wore a black hoodie and dark skinny jeans with a pair of red and black Converse. Her messenger bag carried her books and her glass knife thing and her iPod and cell phone. Covering her wrists and arms as much as possible, she wore arm warmers that she caught Silky talking to. Weirdest moment of her life.

While the Hyuuga's were reminiscing old memories, the Naras' weren't doing anything close...

"Kumo! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!" Temari screamed up the stairs, making them shudder at her loudness in the morning. Kumo sluggishly fumbled down the stairs, just earning him another bad for you morning glares.

"Where the hell have you been Mister 'I stay up all night just to watch the dingos nip at Silky's hair?!'" She stated. Kumo snickered while Hokaze came down the stairs, just to go back up them and falling. Up the stairs.

"Ow! Mom! I fell down the stairs again!" She whined. Kumo groaned.

"You idiot. You fell _up _stairs." He remarked. She stared at her brother blankly, then frowning.

"No! You're the idiot! No one wears green and poop anymore!" She said pointing at his brown sweatshirt. Kumo groaned inwardly to himself, grabbing his backpack and leaving the house.

"If only Natsukage were here..." He muttered on his way to school, just to run into the dingos.

MEANWHILE IN THE SUNA...

Natsukage wheeled in the wheely chair her uncle usually sat in, she was watching him and his secretary --cough girlfriend cough-- fight again. She didn't really know what they were fighting about this time.

"I told you the green ball goes into the green hole!" Reiko screamed holding up the green ball.

"No it clearly said in the manual that the green goes into the yellow and the blue into the green." Gaara said calmly. Reiko boiled over in anger.

"That makes no freaking sense!!" She yelled storming out of the room. Right when the door slammed shut, Natsukage sneezed.

"Um... I think I'm going to head for school now." She said rushing out the door to catch up with Reiko.

"You love him, don't you?" Natsukage asked with an innocent smile. Reiko groaned.

"Sadly, I do." She said hanging her head over.

BACK IN KONOHA

Silky fumbled out of the mansion of a house just to see Kumo walk past. Silky grumbled in hate.

"How I hate the no good jerk. Thinking he can get away with straight As and have every girl like him." Silky said aloud. From the distance Kumo called:

"You're thinking aloud again." Silky bellowed in rage and stomped his way to school.

Hoshi and Tuski calmly walked to school, side by side, just for the girls to drool and the guys to squeal.

"They're watching again." Hoshi whispered to her brother. He nodded.

"We'll use the guns this time." He replied. Hoshi smiled, she liked the guns.

Tay-Tay was half way to school when the smell of lazy-ass and lack-of-common-sense washed over her. She looked over her shoulder just to see Kumo walking behind her. Tay-Tay shudder, knowing the huge crush she had on him. She didn't even know why she liked him. He was just... Kumo.

With perfect timing, Hana and Shinsuke were pushed out of the house by their father.

"Now don't come back with a C or I'll kill you!" Naruto said happily. The look on his kids' faces were more frightened than looking into a mirror and seeing sixteen and a third of dead people.

Since walking was a far deal, Silky pulled his phone out. He needed to talk to his dad. Again.

_Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring_

"Hello?" Answered his father's deep voice.

"Dad. Can I ask you something?" Silky asked.

"Hn."

"Why was I named 'Silky'?"

"..."

"Dad?"

"Why?!"

"Yes why."

"Because 'Silky' is a name of respect and honor!"

"... What the hell are you talking about?!"

"You know son. When I was your age, I wanted to be named 'Silky'."

"Really?"

"No! That's a dumb name!"

"..."

"Are you still there?"

"Then why the hell did you name ME 'Silky'?!" Silky screamed into the receiver.

"Because. It was the only name we could think of."

"But why is Onii-chan named 'Tay-Tay'? Why wasn't she named something like 'CURLY'?!" Neji chuckled.

"Silly boy. Tay-Tay has straight hair!" Silky stared dumb-founded into space, then his father hung up.

Everyone walked into the school, throwing their worthless shit -ahem- school stuff into their lockers. Tay-tay carried her books hood up and such. Kumo walked sluggishly behind her, dragging his books behind him. Shinsuke skipped merrily into the classroom with his father's trademark grin plastered on his face. Tsuki walked into the room, just to stare blankly at Shinsuke before saying,

"Don't grin stupidly. You're face will get stuck like that." He said dryly before sitting in his seat. Shinsuke glared, and when Tsuki wasn't looking his way, he made hideously retarded faces at Tsuki. Satisfied with himself, Shinsuke slouched in his seat.

Hoshi, Hana and Hokaze walked into the room, giggling amongst themselves quietly. Well except for Hokaze, she wasn't tuned into the conversation. She just laughed along to be 'cool'.

Once the class was situated in their seats, the teacher –-Kakashi–- walked in. Wearing what 'kids would wear' adding the mask, he looked like he just came out of the wacky shack. He let out a deep 'ahem' and everyone sat up.

Dumber children were sat in front, which were just UGLY and Hokaze. Kids who got the classes but were still troubled were most kids that no one cared about sat in the second row, while smarter kids sat in the back. The third row consisted of Kumo, Silky, Shinsuke(we don't know how he got there) and Hoshi. The fourth row was just the smartest of the class, and the more 'popular' except for Tay-Tay. The seating went Tsuki, Hana, and Tay-Tay in the corner. Other kids were in the back too, but we don't care about them.

Half way through the session(first period is math) Tay-Tay zoned out. She pulled the piece of glass from her back pocket and rolled her sleeves up, taking of her left arm warmer. Before she could slice herself absentmindedly, Kakashi called on her.

"Tay-Tay! What is the answer?!" He yelled. Tay-Tay looked up to see and sweep of heads go towards her.

"Can you repeat the question?" She croaked.

"123+456/0.8x9234=?" He repeated. Tay-Tay let the numbers go around her head and shook her head.

"I don't know." Kakashi sighed. Hokaze bounced in her seat.

"I know! I know!" She squealed. Kakashi inwardly groaned.

"Okay, Hokaze. What is it?" He sighed. She put on her thinking face and stuck her tongue out.

"W!" She screamed. Everyone groaned, even Kakashi.

"No you idiot! How the hell can this problem equal W?!" He yelled. Hokaze shrugged and smiled innocently.

"I've got the answer." Kumo called lazily, hiding the calculator under his desk. Silky grumbled in anger. _That stupid show-off._

"What is it, Kumo?" Kakashi said, tapping the pencil against the table.

"526,3503..." He said looking down on the desk. Kakashi nodded while he said the words out.

"Great job. One-hundred points for Gryffindor." He said, acting like nothing happened. Everyone stared at him in shock. Whispers erupted in the room before the bell rang.

Silky went up to Kakashi, finding his crazed teacher looking over his schedule.

"Sensei? What's a 'Gryffindor'?" Silky asked.

"..." Silky watches his teacher pick out the right words.

"Let's just say I found it in my book." He said, holding up a bulky book reading "Harry Potter: The Sorcerer's Stone". Silky nodded slowly and made it out of the class room.

"What the hell is a 'Harry Potter?'" He asked himself. Shinsuke came up to him and grinned, but by looking at his cousin's face his grin faltered.

"Hey do you know what a 'Harry Potter' is?" Silky asked. Shinsuke shrugged, then his face lit up.

"It's a hairy potter man. Y'know? Those fat guys who make pot." Shinsuke said nodding his head. Silky nodded along with him.

"Fair enough. Let's go get lunch." He said motioning towards the lunch room.


End file.
